NOVACANE

HEY YALL. I KNO YALL BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HOPE YA LIKE IT. IVE BEEN STUCK ON THIS FOR LIKE 8934349759834853 YEARS. IDK Y. BUT WHATEVER. SUPER DUPER SHOUT OUT 2 THIS UBER FETCH BITCH RIGHT HERE --------> @TEAMMINAJPERU FOR BEING MY SURROGATE DRIZZY. LOVE HER FOR THAT. SHE DID AN AWSOME FUCKIN JOB. & JUST IN CASE U HAVENT ALREADY, MAKE SURE U CHECK OUT HER AMAZING FUCKIN FIC HERE ---> http://mariaaminajx3.blogspot.com/ <--- OK THATS ALL I GOT. ENJOY!





chapter 52

Drake woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. He slid out of bed & headed downstairs. Nicki was in the kitchen fixing breakfast, clad in 1 of his shirts. He walked up behind her & wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.

"Good morning." he whispered in her ear.

"Hi." she said in a low tone. She didn’t seem as happy as he was.

"What’s wrong?" he asked her. She said nothing as she turned away from the stove to fix plates. He turned her around to face him. "C'mon baby, tell me. What’s goin on? Is it about last night? Did I do something wrong." she put down the plate she was holding to turn around & face him.

"Last night was perfect. i had a wonderful time." she said to him.

"Good. So did I. But a part of that felt a little unfinished." he lifted her to the counter & spread her legs to move in between them as he kissed her shoulder. His hands crept under her shirt to her panties & tugged at them gently.

"Drake," she said softly.

"Hmmm?" he said as he moved his hands to the hem of his boxers.

"Please." she said putting her hands over his, stopping him.

"Don’t worry baby, I gotchu." he said as he moved lower between her legs.

"No, Drake, stop." she sighed. He stood back up.

"What is wrong?" she sat for a moment before she spoke.

"Ok, you know I love you & you love me. But I thought about what you said last night & I just don’t think I'm ready for this.”

"Woah, woah, woah, wait. I thought you said last night was good?"

"And it was! But you asked me what I wanted from this relationship & I’m tryin to tell you before I give you the wrong impression. I just don’t think I can focus on being with you, taking care of Malaki & taking care of myself."

"So you wanna break UP with me?"

"No I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that I don’t think I’m ready for what you’re ready for. I still wanna be with you. I still want you here & everything. I just don’t.....I don’t think were headed in same direction mentally & it’s gonna be a while before I can change that. I just need to keep things slow." he turned away from her as he ran his hands over his face. She hopped down from the counter & ran her hands down his bare back. "Don’t be mad. Please?" he said nothing as he walked away. "Where are you going?"

"I don’t know." was all he said before storming up the stairs. 

He was angry, even though he knew he probably shouldn’t be. He was trying as hard as he could to be sensitive to her needs but he just didn’t understand why she didn’t feel the same way he did. He loved her & she loved him which is why he didn’t understand why she didn’t want to take things to the next level. It wasn’t like it would be the first time. They had a son together, how hard could it be to get things back to the way they were? It wasn’t just about the sex but he was a man so he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t a part of it. But it was so morally conflicting for him to be together & not be married. He didn’t want to keep playing house. He wanted to do what was right for his family.

He went to his room, grabbed a t-shirt & jeans from the closet & got dressed. He slipped on a pair of Jordans, picked up his keys from the dresser & headed out the door. He turned his music on, his phone off & drove. He had no particular direction or destination in mind. He just knew he had to distance himself from that house. From her. He drove deep into the forest, higher up into the Pocono mountain range until he came to a plateau. Large birch trees surrounded a body of water. He got out of the car & walked to the far edge, past the trees, to where the water cascaded down into a river. It was by no means a short fall. As he stood there, watching the water rush over the edge of that plateau, he couldn’t help but wonder if at this very second if he were to fling himself over the edge, would Nicki care? Would it even matter to her? He stepped back & shook his head. He didn’t want to test that theory & find out. But he couldn’t stop wondering where he fit into her life. He had always come second to something. Her career, her fans, her family. And while understood, he just felt like he kept getting bumped further & further down her list of priorities. Whereas with him, she had always come before everything else. Was that a mistake? Should he make her less of a priority? He knew he couldn’t do that no matter how hard he tried. Whether he liked it or not, she was ever present in the forefront of his mind. He just didn’t get why she didn’t do the same. So many thoughts were rushing through his mind. So much he wanted to say & do. So much that he had been feeling but kept bottled up inside because he was afraid of hurting her feelings. It was weighing so heavy on him that it was becoming physical. His heart was racing, his breathing labored as his chest felt like weights were being piled onto it. What was happening to him? His mind was cluttered. He couldn’t think straight. He dropped to his knees as he began to feel dizzy. He pulled off his shirt & used it to wipe his sweaty brow. His eyes were stinging with the threat of impending tears on the rise. He felt like he was losing his mind. He dug his fingers deep into the damp soil, trying to hold on, to what he couldn’t be sure. His mind. His sanity. He leaned back on his heels & stared to the sky, looking for a sign. Anything that would give him some direction on what to do.

The clouds were moving in, blocking out the sun. The smell of rain filled his nose as the 1^st drop hit his cheek. The wind whipped past him, bending the mighty trees at whim. Leaves rushed past him. The still, placid waters became unsettled as heavy drops of precipitation hit its surface. The storm was similar to what he was feeling inside. His chest was getting heavier, like there was something building up there as he heard thunder rolling in from the east. He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to let it out. He took in a large breath & closed his eyes as he began to scream.

“I just don’t understand why he's not picking up his phone.” Nicki said holding the receiver to her ear as she balanced Malaki on her hip.

“He probably can’t get reception because of the storm.” 40 said to her.

“I've been calling him all day! It’s almost 6 o’clock. What if he's hurt Noah? I just need to know.  I have to find him.”

“Nicki, take a deep breath. He's probably fine.” He said in an attempt to calm her.

“I'm just scared. Anything could happen out there. This is all my fault.” She began to cry looking out the window at the rain. She was trying to quite Malaki but she was a bit inconsolable herself. “Ki, mommy can’t take this screaming, baby. Pleeeeease?” she said as she pressed the child’s head to her chest. This caused him to cry harder, pushing away from her.

“Give him here. I’ll quite him down. You try to relax.” 40 took the baby & walked up to his room.

Nicki sat on the window seat in front of the big bay window in the foyer & stared out into the storm. She couldn’t even see the edge of the porch because it was raining so hard. She pulled her knees to her chest & sighed. Where was he? Was he hurt? Why didn’t he answer his phone? Too many horrible scenarios were running through her mind. He could have ran off the road, or been in an accident, or stuck by lightening. She couldn’t take not knowing. She stood up, ready to brave the storm to find him when the door opened. She rushed to the door to see a soaking wet, shirtless Drake before her.

“Where were you?!” she screamed.

“Out.” was all he offered. She put her hands on her hips.

“Fuck you mean OUT?! Why you aint answer ya phone?! I was worried about you!”

“Were you?” he said in a monotone voice.

“Yes I was worried! I was about to go look for ya stupid ass! Where have you been?!” she said blocking his path.

“Move out my way Nicki.” He said to her.

“NO! not til you tell me where you were!”

“Move, please?” he said looking away from her.

“I'm not moving until you tell me where the FUCK you were!!!” he tried pushing past her & out of the narrow walkway but she was quick. She leaped in front of him whenever he moved.

“Nicki, I'm not in the mood for this shit. Move.” He said as he pressed more of his weight against her.

“Yo, seriously, stop tryin to push past me or imam smack da shit otta you!”

“Don’t threaten me, girl.”

“It wasn’t a fuckin threat!” Drake could feel himself getting angrier. He had to remove himself from this situation. He used all his weight to push past her. She quickly jumped back in front of him, shoving him with all of her might.

“Don’t fuckin push me!” she raised her hand to slap him. He grabbed both of her wrists, pulling her close to steady her. He looked down at her, breathing deeply.

“Then MOVE.” The look in his eyes combined with the harsh tone of his voice scared her. She wasn’t scared of him as much as she was scared for him. Something was wrong with him. She stood there, staring at him as he let her hands go & walked away. It wasn’t until he was across the room that she noticed 40 yelling at him.

“Aubrey, what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Drake said nothing only brushing past him as he made his way up the stairs. 40 rushed over to Nicki. “Are you alright? did he hurt you?” she shook her head.

“What? No! No, he didn’t hurt me. I'm fine.” 40 hurried after Drake. Nicki sunk down to the floor, staring across the room. The way 40 asked her that really bothered her.

“Did he hurt you?”

He really hadn’t but it made her wonder. Would he? Could he be pushed to that point? She never thought he could until now.

“Drake! Yo, Drake!” 40 yelled as he reached the 3^rd floor. He saw Drake sitting on the floor, elbows balanced on his knees with his face buried in his palms. He sat down next to him. “You ok man?”

“No.” Drake said.

“Wanna talk about it?” Drake let his hands wash over his face as he stared up at the ceiling.

“I don’t get it. I'm doing everything right but she just…I don’t know. She just doesn’t GET IT! It’s driving me insane.”

“Its alright man. You guys have a lot going on with the baby & everything. It can get a little stressful.”

“NO. its not alright. what if I lost control just now? What if I actually…I cant even say it.”

“you know you wouldn’t have man. You love her. you know you would never hurt her.”

“I know. i love her to death but she just…she just PUSHES me!!! I just hate how she wants 2 control me!”

“Maybe you guys need a break from each other.”

“No. I'm not gonna run away. I don’t wanna leave her or my son. We need to work this out.”

“I don’t know man. Right now, I really feel like you guys are just too close. youre together all the time. Maybe you goin away would make her see how much she would miss you. she really was freakin out while you were gone.”

“I don’t know man.”

“I don’t know either. I just want the best end result for you guys. If going away for a little while right now means you can be together in the end, it might be worth it. talk to her.”

“I will. I just need to think 1^st.”

“Alright. You need a minute?”

“Yeah. I’ll be down in a little while.” 40 patted Drake lightly on the shoulder before leaving. Once he was gone, Drake stretched out in the middle of the floor. He was so ashamed of the way she acted with Nicki. Even though she made him angry, that was no excuse to put his hands on her. He felt as though he disgraced his entire family. What would his mother say? What would her mother say? The more he played it over in his mind, the worse he felt. He was starting to think that maybe leaving wasn’t such a bad idea. He felt like a monster. What would Nicki think of him now? Would she think he was a monster too? And what about their son? How could he teach him to be a good man when he couldn’t be 1? But deep in the back of his mind he knew he couldn’t leave. He loved them & couldn’t bear the thought of being away from them. He also didn’t want to give Nicki the impression that he was the type of man she already thought he was. He would never run away from his responsibilities. He had to talk to her so they could work this out & move on.

Drake took his time walking down the steps, counting each 1 as he passed. Nicki was sitting on the floor in front of Malaki, playing pat a cake. He only observed 1^st, taking in his son’s smile as he patted his chubby hands against his mother’s, Dricki yelping happily as he ran around them. She laughed at him being excited over the way her Cartier bangles clanked together on her wrists. They were beautiful together. This was his family. The reason he wanted to wake up in the morning he was a little scared to think that this would be the last time he would see them like this. That the only time he would see them together is on holidays & weekends when he came to pick Malaki up, if he was lucky. He didn’t want that. He said a silent prayer that this would all go well before walking over to them. Malaki was taken by surprise as his father picked him up from behind. He turned him around & held him tight to his chest. The child struggled for a bit before settling against his father, blowing soft spit bubbles & cooing as he lay there. Drake closed his eyes & rocked from side to side as he kissed his hair.

“I love you Malaki.” He said in a soft voice. “You hear me? I love you very, very much.” Malaki raised his head & grabbed his father’s face before planting a drool-filled kiss on his cheek. Drake kissed his forehead before placing him back on the rug. “Dricki, watch your brother.” He said to the puppy as he patted his head. He then turned to Nicki. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she nodded as she got to her feet & followed him to the kitchen.

“What’s going-“ before she could finish, Drake grabbed her arm, pulling her into an embrace. He kissed the crown of her head as he held her. After almost 3 minutes of standing in silence, he let her go. He pulled out a chair & gestured for her to sit at the table before falling to his knees in front of her.

“I. Am. So. Sorry. I should have never put my hands on you that way. You are the mother of my child. I should never disrespect you like that. so that’s why I'm here, begging for your forgiveness. I never meant to hurt you.” Nicki looked down on him, a pitiful smile on her face. She let her fingers brush over his face.

“I forgive you. I shouldn’t have ganged up on you as soon as you walked in the door. I should have thought about the fact that something could be wrong.”

“Regardless of what’s going on with me, I should never treat you that way. This really opened my eyes. Maybe you were right. Maybe us moving at a slower pace is best. My behavior today has shown that I obviously can’t get a grip on my emotions.”

“I’m actually kind of glad you said that. Because, I've been thinking. Maybe you going away to Canada isn’t such a bad Idea. Just for a while, not forever.” Drake’s heart sank.  He heard what she said but what he felt was an entirely different matter. “I just think you need time to figure out you & how you feel.” Drake opened his mouth to dispute, but closed it quickly. He knew she would be feeling some type of way about what happened earlier. He wouldn’t disrespect her further by disputing what she thought was best. He slowly rose to his feet. “Aubrey, wait.” She said pulling his arm. He turned around to face her. she placed her palm flat on his chest. “I love you. I really do.” he said nothing. Only turning to make his way to the staircase. Walked to their room, silent, & began to pack a few of his belongings in his Louis duffle. Once his bag was packed, he walked over slowly & sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in his eyes. Even though Nicki didn’t say they were breaking up, he felt like they were. But no matter how he felt, he was a man & he would accept the consequence for his actions.

Once he was packed, he went downstairs to say goodbye to Nicki & Malaki before heading out with 40 to the airport. The entire flight he couldn’t help but think about how final this felt. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak. he just sat, constantly thinking about how he already missed Nicki & his son. he & 40 parted ways as he walked to pick up his rental. When he pulled up to his mother’s house, he pulled out his key & let himself in.

“Ma?” he called as he sat his keys on the table in the foyer.

“Aubrey? Is that you?!” she exclaimed. She came around the corner & gasped before running into her son’s arms. “Oh, I've missed you so much!”

“I've missed you too.” He said as he hugged her.

“Wait, where is my grandson? And Nicki? Are they outside?” Drake sighed.

“No. they're not here. It’s just me.”

“Well, not that I'm not happy to see you sweetie, but, why not?” he plopped down on the couch before proceeding to tell his mother what happened. She listened tentatively & while she was very disappointed, she held the slightest amount of empathy for him. She knew they had gone through such a traumatic experience that there was bound to be some tension building. “Maybe this is best right now. You both might just need some space from each other.”

“I know but…………God, I just miss my family.” He said letting his hands wash over his face.

“It’s all going to work out Aubrey, don’t worry. Just try to relax. Clear your mind for a while.” She patted his shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts. The only thing that filled his mind was his family. He felt like such a failure. All he wanted to do was be with them. Being without them was weighing on him so much, it pained him physically. He had to block it out somehow.

Before he could think about it, he grabbed his keys & left. He hopped in the car & drove to the studio where he knew 40 & Niko would be waiting for him. No 1 even thought to speak as he stepped in the room. He looked so distraught. He flopped down in 1 of the rolling chairs that were spread across the room. They all just stared at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked in Niko's direction, eyeing the freshly rolled blunt he held between his fingers & said,
"Pass me that shit."
For the next several hours, they sat in that studio, sipping patron, 2 blunts of Canada's finest in rotation at all times. Frank Ocean's "Novacane" blasting through the large JBL speakers. They said absolutely nothing as Drake swam further & further away from sobriety. He had lost track of the play count almost 2 hours ago, somewhere around 236. He knew he was well beyond his limits & probably should stop but he didn’t want to. Every time he felt the fog lifting from his mind, he took another hit, another sip. He sat back in his chair, exhaling a large cloud above his head, taking in the lyrics.
"Novacaaaaaaane baby, baby. Novacaaaane baby, I want you."
And he did want this. To feel numb. Because the only thing he could feel was pain. He shakily stood up & stumbled his way to the empty couch in the far corner. He stretched out over it, looking up to the ceiling. It looked 1000 miles away from him. He felt like he was floating, suspended in the infinite space of the universe as the room faded away & everything was black. The only thing that kept him connected to the earth was Frank Ocean beckoning for that sweet novacane he craved so desperately. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He could only lay there. He started to hear a soft thud-thump-ing sound, sort of like drums, beating in the distance. It began to beat louder & louder. Before long, it was drowning out the music. It was hurting his ears. He wanted to make it stop but he didn’t know how. He then began to hear heavy breathing. His chest felt weighted down. He didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t like it.
"Thud-thump, thud-thump, thud-thump"
It was so loud, his head was pounding. Faster & faster he breathed. He was panicking. The beat slowed, stuttering slightly. Then again & again. Then finally, a deafening silence. 

He blinked once, twice, three times. He squinted & shielded his eyes from the bright sun that poured in from the skylight. He made a move to get up & it was as if he could feel his internal organs slushing around inside him. One hand across his abdomen, the other gripping the arm of the sofa as he vomited. When he was finished, it was as if he was a shell. His body felt completely empty. He went to the bathroom & grabbed a few towels to clean up his mess. Once he was done, he braved the sunlight, walking outside to the dumpster to throw the towels away. He stopped at his car to grab his duffle bag & headed back to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror & groaned. His eyes were bloodshot. His hair was messed. His skin was clammy. He needed to change. He took a quick shower & dressed himself in a pair of sweats & YMCMB t-shirt. He walked back out into the studio just as 40 was walking in the door.

“Hey.” 40 said as he sat a bag on the table. He handed Drake a coffee.

“Thank you.” he croaked. He sipped his freshly brewed Tim Horton’s slowly, letting it sooth his throat as he drank.

“So,” 40 began, “wanna tell me what you were thinkin doin some stupid shit like that?”

“I don’t know man.” Said Drake. “I just needed to escape. I got so much shit on my mind.”

“Yeah, well you were about to be on a permanent escape. You could’ve killed yourself man. What were you thinking?! That’s seriously dangerous man.”

“I know I know.” Drake groaned. 40 sighed. He didn’t want to get on Drake’s case. He knew he was stressed.

“Hey, I'm not here to lecture you man. I just don’t want anything to happen to you. You gotta outlive me, remember?” 40 said with a wry chuckle. Drake looked at him, his face stern. Even though 40 was always in light spirits about his multiple sclerosis, it was never a laughing matter to Drake. He dreaded the thought that there might come a day when his best friend might not be here. Especially since he wasn’t that much older than him.

“Don’t say that man.”

“I'm just sayin. But anyway, now that you're sober, do you have any idea what you're gonna do?”

“nope.” Drake said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what else I can do. I've done everything I can think of to show her I care. Maybe she just fell out of love with me.” he shrugged.

“Now, you know you don’t even believe that. She still loves the shit out of you. But maybe, that’s the problem. She knows you love her.”

“So I love her too much?”

“Nooo! But think. You're putting all this time & energy into loving her. What’s her main focus right now? Malaki, right?”

“So you think, she thinks, I don’t love my son?”

“No. but maybe she feels like you need to put more effort into loving what she loves.”

“But I don’t know what else I can do. He’s a baby. I'm with him every single day. What more does she want from me?”

“I don’t know. But y’all just gotta find that balance. I don’t wanna see you guys on Maury.”

“Never that.” said Drake. He sat back & drank his coffee while in deep thought. Maybe 40 was right. If he was, he had to figure out a way to do this. He stole a glance at his Blackberry. “Damn, its 4 already?”

“wow! We gotta get to this sound check. Then rehearsal & press. You ready to be Drizzy Drake again?” drake took a deep breath.

“Let’s do this.”

They hopped in the car & headed to the venue to check sound & lighting. Making sure everything was just right. After a few prep meetings he was headed back to his mother’s house.

“Aubrey?” she called from the kitchen.

“Yes?” he said as he closed the door behind him. He headed toward her & bent down to kiss her cheek.

“Why didn’t you call honey? I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry. Long day. I had a bunch of meetings. It was hectic.” He said as he sat at the dining room table.

“Well I'm glad you're back. I brought sandwiches.” she sat a plate in front of him with a tuna sandwich on it. They ate in a comfortable silence for a while before Sandi spoke. “I talked to Nicki today.” She told him as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. Drake looked up from his plate at her.

“What did she say?” he asked.

“she told me to tell you she wishes you good luck.” Drake stared at his mother for a beat longer, hoping she would say more. When she remained quiet, he looked back down, shaking his head.

“That was very kind of her. Next time you speak to her, tell her I appreciate it.” he said crumpling his napkin. He grabbed his plate & headed to the kitchen, placing it in the sink.

“Oh Aubrey, won’t you just call her?” Sandi pleaded as she walked after him.

“I don’t know if I should.” He said in a low tone.

“But I think you should. You don’t want to give her the impression that you don’t care, do you?”

“no.” he said as he rinsed his dish. He placed the plate in the dishwasher before going to flop down on the couch.

“I really think you should give her a call, baby. At least to ask about your son.” he knew she was right. He needed to call. If for no other reason than to let his son know he cared. He pulled his Blackberry from his pocket & turned it over in his hands. He hesitated before finding the number& pressing the call button. Sandi took a seat next to him as the phone rang. After a second, the ringing stopped & her voice filled his ear.

“Hello?” she said. Her voice was soft, calm. He swallowed hard before he spoke.

“Hey.” He stammered. “How are you?”

“I'm fine. How about you?”

“I can’t complain.” There was an uncomfortable silence before he spoke again. He looked at the clock. It was 9:38. “I know it’s kinda late. Malaki is probably sleeping. I just wanted to talk to him & see how he was doing.”

“No, he's awake. Just hold on a sec.” he could hear the baby’s soft babbling coming closer to the phone. He then heard Nicki in the background. “Say hi daddy!”

“Hey Malaki! Hey buddy!” Drake said in a cheery tone.

“Daaaaaddddddaaaaaaaaaa.” Malaki said softly.

“Hey! What are you doin?” Drake asked. The child simply babbled on. “I hope you're being good for mommy. Daddy’s not there, so you gotta hold down the fort till I get back. I'm countin’ on you.” The child repeated his father’s name over & over into the phone. The sound of his tiny voice made Drake’s eyes burn. His throat began to hurt & try as he might, he couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He placed a hand on his head, letting an elbow rest on his knee as he looked down, letting the tears hit the carpet.

He could tell the child was becoming restless, which meant this conversation was coming to an end.

“Alright well, it’s getting late. You need to get your butt to bed. I miss you.”

“Say ‘I miss you, daddy’.” Nicki coached.

“Dada.” Was all he offered. Drake let out a dry chuckle.

“I love you.” he told his son.

“Say ‘I love you too dada’.” Nicki instructed.

“Bye-bye.” Malaki said.

“Bye.” Drake said reluctantly. His mother placed a supportive hand on his shoulder as he sniffled.

“I think he’s about done. The toys are calling him.” Nicki said with a quiet chuckle. “Sorry he wouldn’t stay on longer.”

“it’s ok. I kinda have to go anyway. I have some stuff I just remembered I have to do.”

“Oh. Ok.” Said Nicki.

“I’ll call back tomorrow.”

“Alright. Good-bye Aubrey.”

“Take care.” They hung up. Without saying a word he got to his feet. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Don’t wait up.” He told his mother as he planted a kiss on her cheek. He got in his car called 40.

“Hello?” he answered.

“40, man, I want you to meet me somewhere. There’s something I really need to do.”

“Alright. Tell me where.”

It had been almost a month since Drake had been home with his family. During the day he was always busy with the final preparations for OVO Fest. But during the evening, he made sure to make time for a phone call with Malaki before heading to the studio to work on new material. He was trying as hard as he could to keep from having idle time, so he wouldn’t have to think about how much he missed them.

It was the last night before the concert & Drake was spending it talking to his son. The conversation had been going on for almost an hour & he could tell Malaki was tired. After their nightly excerpt from Winnie the Pooh, he sung the child a song.

“Out came the sun & dried up all the rain. And the itsy bitsy spider, crawled up the spout again.” Drake sang. He waited for a response, but all he got were quite snores in return. He smiled at the fact that even though he was far away, his voice was the last thing his son could hear before he went to sleep. “He is out.” Drake chuckled as his son snored.

“Yeah. He's a busy man.” Said Nicki.

“True, true.” He laughed. Before long, there was a silence again. This always happened after ha & Malaki were through speaking. He & Nicki didn’t really have conversation. They more often than not just exchanged pleasantries & hung up, but for some reason, Nicki lingered.

“so………big day tomorrow, huh?” she said to him.

“yeah, it is.” Said Drake.

“are you nervous at all?”

“nah, I'm really excited actually.”

“well that’s good.”

“are you gonna watch the ustream? I set this up just so you & Malaki could watch.

“no, I don’t think I will.” She sighed. Drake’s heart sunk. He went through great lengths to make this possible for them. he wanted his son to at least be able to see him since he couldn’t be there.

“Well, hopefully Malaki will be able to see it. it would really mean a lot to me.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know.” she said nonchalantly. Drake was getting heated. He was sure she understood how much it would mean to him to have Malaki see him perform. He had been telling her this for weeks now. He wanted to hang up before he got too upset & said something he would later regret.

“Well. its late. I have a big day ahead of me. I gotta go.”

“ok.” She said softly. He knew she noticing the disdain in his voice & he didn’t care.

“Alright then.”

“Hey Aubrey.” She said just as he was about to hang up.

“Yeah?”

“good luck on your show tomorrow.” She told him.

“yeah, thanks.”

“ok then. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

And then they hung up.

Drake woke up the next morning feeling a little sad about the night before, but he was excited none the less. After he was showered & dressed, he headed over to Niko’s to get shaped up. Once he was freshly shaven, he headed to the venue to do 1 last run-through of the show. Everything was going smoothly. He did a radio interview via phone & then another quick interview with his longtime friend, t-rexx for MuchMusic’s RapCity. The time was almost near. He sat alone in his dressing room, staring at himself in the mirror. He was anxious. He wanted to get on that stage. But he couldn’t but wonder if his son would be watching. He pulled his Blackberry from his pocket & dialed Nicki’s number. It didn’t even ring. Just straight to voicemail. He huffed as he hit the end button. He was just about to call her again when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey.” It was CJ. “You ready champ?” drake looked in the mirror a second longer. At that second, he decided it didn’t matter if he had to record it & show it to Malaki himself, he would. He was determined to put on a show that he knew would make his son proud. He threw the hood of his boxing robe over his head.

“Let’s do this.”  

He came around from the backstage area to the black carpet for the photo op by his entrance to the theatre. The small crowd of VIP attendees & press erupted in cheer. He pulled the hood of his robe back, smiling & waving at everyone. The 1^st round of fans walked up to him from behind the velvet rope.

“Oh my God! Drake, I love you so much!” a young girl cried as she hugged him.

“I love you too.” He said affectionately. He hugged them & posed for their picture. He repeated this process almost 10 times until all the fans were gone & only press remained. He headed down the carpet as the all screamed his name.

“DRAKE! DRAKE!” a slim light skinned woman with glasses said yelled to him. He made his way over to her.

 “What’s up” he said nodding his head.

“Jasmine with RapUp TV, how are u tonight?”

 “Can’t complain right?” he chuckled.

 “Right” she giggled. “3rd annual OVO Fest, how excited are you?

 “I’m very excited, you know. It’s definitely something I look forward to. I know the fans appreciate it. This is for them.”

 “Yes. Everyone is excited here tonight. It is definitely a star studded event. You got J. Cole, Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Tyga, Trey Songz. Is there anyone that isn’t on the roster that maybe we can expect as a surprise?” she asked, smiling suggestively.

”We definitely got a good line up. You know, everybody that matters came out tonight. I appreciate everybody that’s here and supports the OVO Fest.

“Well tonight you are really doing something major here. Not only is Toronto live, but you got the internet goin CRAZY right now. You just announced a few hours ago that there will be a LIVE Ustream to this sold out event. Now we all know you usually shy away from social media sites & things of that nature. What brought on this change?

 “Well I know there’s a lot of people who wish they could be here. A lot of fans around the world want to catch the action. And also, the only person I do this for couldn’t be here so I want him to see his dad up on that stage. It’s all for him...if anybody else missed it I wouldn’t care honestly, as long as he got to be part of this in some way.

 “Awwwwww! That’s soooo sweet! I bet he’s gonna be really proud of you tonight. I know you’re gonna tear this place apart!

“Thank you. It’s gonna be a good night.”

“I bet it is. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see you hit that stage. It’s really gonna be 1 for the books. Anything you wanna say before you go? Any special people you wanna shout out?”

 “I hope everybody enjoys tonight, thank you to everyone that’s making this possible. And I wanna send my love to my son, daddy loves you Ki.”

“Ok. Thank you so much Drake, have a great show.”

 “Alright.” he said as held up his young money hand sign & entered the theatre.

Minute after minute. Artist after artist. The show went on. Everyone was great. Cole, Wayne, Tyga, Trey, Ross. All of them putting on a phenomenal show with him. Now it was his turn. He stood on the platform under the stage listening to the crowd as the chanted for him in the dark smoke filled arena. He held his right hand over his hear with his head low, eyes closed as he waited for his queue. The beat dropped & he began his accent to the stage. Green lasers shot through the smoke & strobes flashed, creating an amazing optical illusion. It was like he was coming from thin air. He opened his eyes & looked at the glow of the sea of faces in the crowd & hew was ready.

“ I might be too strung out on compliments
Overdosed on confidence
Started not to give a fuck and stop fearing the consequence
Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishment

Faded way too long I'm floating in & out of consciousness.”

He was really feeling the energy of the crowd. He moved across the stage with ease, not missing a beat. A hand to his ear & his mic to the crowd as they sang for him. It was magical. He made his way through 7 more songs. Each one a different tempo from the last, creating a mellow, yet exciting atmosphere. He was just finishing “Club Paradise”, his last song of the night, before he ended the show. The melody played softly. His back was to the crowd, his hands at his sides. The lights emitted a deep purple hue in the arena. He turned around & walked to the edge of the stage.

“I want y’all to make sure y’all got y’all cameras on right now.” he said. “I wanna make sure all of y’all get this.” The crowd was illuminated by the glow of cameras & phones. “I just wanna tell y’all that I love every single fuckin 1 of y’all. All of y’all really have a special place in my heart. I appreciate y’all so much for believing in me & comin out tonight. On some real shit.” He turned to his side as he pulled off his shirt & used it to wipe his brow. He turned back to the crowd & smiled before throwing it out to them. “I also wanna say……………….that I wouldn’t be here tonight, if it wasn’t for my beautiful mother, Sandi Graham. She’s really been amazing, putting up with me these past few weeks. I also wanna say that………………………I know it’s real late………& he's probably asleep, but I wouldn’t be doing this, I wouldn’t be where I am, the better man that I am if it wasn’t for my son, Malaki.” The crowd exploded with cheer at the mention of his son. He had his hand over his heart & when he moved it, the applause escaladed to new heights. Right on the left side of his toned chest, above where his heart was, was a tattoo, in a very elegant script, of his son’s name & date of birth. “I wish more than anything in the world that he could be here with me. But I” before he could finish his sentence, burst into another fit of applause. He looked to his left & smiled. There, walking toward him was Nicki. She smiled at him as she sauntered over to him with his son on her hip. He walked over to her in quick stride & took his son from her arms. He hugged the child tightly to his bare chest. Nicki grabbed the mic from Drake’s hand.

“I'm sorry that we missed the ustream. But we kinda had more important places to be than in front of a computer screen.” She told him. She bit her lip as she smiled at him. He looked down at her & laughed before pulling her into an embrace. He hugged the both of them ever so tightly, swaying from side to side. He kissed each of their heads before burying his face in Nicki’s hair. When he finally pulled away he grabbed the mic from her hand.

“Get home safely. Love the people around you. I love you Toronto. Take care.” Nicki grabbed his hand & walk with him off the stage.