ZION

OK GUYS I KNOW ITS BEEN FOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRRRR BUT HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!! THE THIRD & FINAL PART OF CHAPTER 42. THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO PATIENT WIT ME. THAT YOU TO EVERYONE THT READ & COMMENTED ON MY MOMENT 4 LIFE.  LOVE THT. JUS BEFORE YOU READ I WANNA LET YOU KNOW THT TODAY'S VOCABULARY WORD COMES FROM @TEAMMINAJPERU. GEGIORAGH. IT MEANS MORE THAN GREAT. ABSOLUTE #LIFE. SHE MADE UP THT WORD DESCRIBING THIS CHAPTER. HOW U ALL THINK ITS GEGIORAGH AS WELL. LOL ANYWAY IF YOU HAVENT HEARD THE SONG "ZION" BY LAURYN HILL......YOU SHOULD. GOES GREAT WITH NICKI'S EMOTIONS. BUT I'M DONE. ENJOY!!!!!




chapter 42 pt. 3

“Is she gonna make it?”

“Just give it time.”

“I’m so scared.”

“I won’t leave.”

“Malaki.”

She kept hearing whispers in her dream. But they all sounded so real. The last one is what got to her. Malaki. Her son. Where was he? She forced herself to open her eyes. She felt so groggy. She slowly moved her hands to her stomach. So it wasn’t a dream. She wasn’t pregnant anymore. She used all her might to prop herself up on her elbows, but they couldn’t sustain her for long. She groaned as she fell back on her bed.

“I see you’re awake.” She looked over & saw Drake sitting in a rocking chair.

“What? Where are we?” she said noticing she was in a different room than she remembered.

“I’m gonna call Koyoa. She will explain everything.” H e pressed the call button. A few seconds later, a voice came through the intercom.

“Is sleeping beauty finally awake?” the delightful voice asked.

“yes ma’am.”

“Koyoa will be right in!” Drake pulled the chair closer to her. He grabbed her hand & kissed it.

“You don’t know how happy I am right now. I was so worried about you. you have no idea.”

“Drake, what happened?”

“I don’t know exactly. It’s all kind of a blur. You have to let Koyoa explain for you to understand.” Nicki was starting to feel anxious. She didn’t like not knowing what was going on. Koyoa wasted no time coming to Nicki’s room. she was all smiles wearing pink scrubs with suns & rainbows on them.

“Hey! How ya feelin?” she asked as she sat on the edge of Nicki’s bed.

“Lost. Where am I?”

“In the maternity ward my dear!” Koyoa said smiling.

“How long have I been sleeping?”

“Mmmmm……on & off, about a day & a half.” Nicki put her hand to her head. She couldn’t believe it.

“What happened?”

“Well, after you had the baby, we couldn’t stabilize your blood pressure fast enough, so you passed out. We gave you something to bring down the pressure & something for pain, since you kept waking up screaming. We were really worried about you sugar.” This was a lot to take in for Nicki. The entire time she was worried about Malaki’s safety. She didn’t realize how close she came to death herself.

“So what happens now?”

“Well, if you’re up for it, we can get these needles out of you. Take the catheters out & get you walkin around a bit.”

“Oh yes. I can’t wait to get out this bed. Maybe I’ll even get…” Nicki stopped. Something just dawned on her. “Wait. I’m in the maternity ward?”

“Yes Nicki. That’s where all the mommies go.” Koyoa laughed. Nicki’s eyes lit up.

“I’m, I’m a mommy?!?!”

“Yes Nicki. You’re a mommy.”

“Wh-well, where is he?! I wanna see him!” she said as she pulled back the covers.

“Woooaaaah! Slow down cowgirl!”

“Slow down?! I gotta see my son!” Koyoa grabbed her shoulders, gently keeping her in place.

“Nicki, there’s some things you need to know first.”

“What does he look like?” Nicki couldn’t contain herself. There were so many things running through her mind.

“He was born at 6:48 on the 14^th. He’s almost an entire 4 lbs. so, that’s amazing for a baby born this early. But the rest you can see for yourself when we take out the IV’s & stuff.”

“Oh my goodness! I can’t wait. I just wanna see him so bad.”

“Nicki I wanna prepare you for what you’re about to see.”

“Prepare me? What the fuck kinda preparation do I need to see my son?!”

“Listen Nicki, I know you're expecting a regular little new born but that’s not what you’re getting here. I just think you may be a little shocked at what you’re about to see. There a lot of scary stuff in there. Breathing machines, monitors,”

“Ok so he’ll have a few wires on him. So what!?” Nicki was starting to get angry. How could anyone think she wasn’t prepared to see her child?

“Nicki I think you should really listen to her. It’s a lot different from what you’re expecting.” Drake said. Koyoa touched his shoulder. She knew Nicki wouldn’t relent. Arguing would get them nowhere.

“Ok babygirl, I’m not tryin to scare you. I’m just doin my job. I’m just gonna get these tubes out of you & check your belly to make sure your uterus is ok. After that, I’ll take you down to the NICU.” Koyoa did her work quickly. She left after, telling Nicki to call as soon as she was ready. She would have been ready at that second but she felt absolutely disgusting, so she needed a shower. The first time she stood up from the bed, her legs felt unsteady. She wobbled a bit before falling back down.

“Need some help, Ariel?” Drake laughed. Nicki rolled her eyes at his reference to “The Little Mermaid”.

“I need to get to the bathroom. Can you help me?”

“With pleasure.” He smiled. He extended his arm, letting her use his weight to support herself as she tool slow strides to the bathroom. He led her to the shower & turned on the water. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, I’m fine.” She said as she gripped the safety rails outside the shower.

“Alright. Call me if you need me.” He said before walking out of the bathroom. Nicki began slowly undressing herself. Once she was naked she stepped under the hot spray, letting the water beat against her skin. She closed her eyes & played the past few days back in her mind. All the pain she felt. How scared she was. She tried to put those feelings aside, hoping to be able to relax. She concentrated on the steady flow of water cascading over her. After she was clean, she didn’t want to get out just yet. She squatted down & stared at the drain. She was trying to focus her thoughts but so many emotions were running through her. Anger, frustration, sadness, excitement, fear. She didn’t want that. She needed to be focused. She needed to pull herself together for her son. She continued to concentrate on the drain until she blocked everything else out. She didn’t notice the banging on the door or her name being called. She was shocked out of her daze when Drake grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him.

“Nicki, what the hell?! You ok?” Drake asked her, panic in his voice. She stared at him, blinking for a few seconds. “You didn’t hear me callin you? I was worried. You’ve been in here for over an hour.” Nicki was shocked. She didn’t know she had been in the shower that long.

“Nothing.” She told him. “Just letting the water relax me. I’m a little sore. I’m sorry I think I might have fallen asleep or something.” Drake looked at her in disbelief. Something about her was off. He could tell she was stressed but he didn’t want to pressure her. He knew it would only make it worse.

“Let’s get you out of here. The water’s going cold.” He wrapped her in a fluffy pink towel. “Your mother brought some things from home. I put some clothes for you on the sink. Do you need help getting dressed?”

“No, I’m fine really.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He walked to the door & pulled it open.

“I’m comin back to check on you in 10 minutes.” He said before closing the door behind him. She grabbed her clothes & dressed quickly. She caught a glimpse of herself dressed in her tank top & yoga pants in the mirror over the sink. She turned to the side & let her hand glide over the slight bulge in her belly. She felt empty as she took in the fact that Malaki was no longer in there where she could protect him. He was out here in the world where she was helpless to defend him. His tiny body was laying in an incubator in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Intensive care. Care she couldn’t give him. She felt like she had failed him already. She quickly stopped her tears from falling when Drake nocked on the door.

“yeah?” she asked. He walked inside.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just realizing how different I look.”

“You look beautiful baby.” He smiled.

“It’s crazy knowing he’s not in my belly anymore. That he’s out here, in the world.”

“I know what you mean.” He pulled her hair away from her face & kissed her cheek. She walked out of the bathroom over to her bed & sat down.

“Have you seen him?” she asked as she slipped on her socks.

“Yeah.” He said as he sat back in the rocker. Her heart stopped. She didn’t know if she wanted to ask him the next question. She sighed as she contemplated if she should. “he has your nose.” He said to her. It was as if he could read her mind. She turned around to look at him. He smiled. “If you really wanna know what he looks like, just go see him. I know its hard cuz you’re nervous.”

“Were you nervous?”

“No. I was scared. Scared that I failed. That I wasn’t good enough. He’s really intimidating for being so small. Reminds me of someone else I know.” She smiled at him. She was glad he knew about what she was feeling. They were silent as she finished getting ready. She had just finished throwing her damp hair into a ponytail when Koyoa walked in.

“Well aren’t you just as pretty as a magnolia in May?” she said in a faux southern twang. “Are you ready honey?” Nicki shook her head. She got up from the bed & sat in the wheelchair & Koyoa pushed her out of the room & towards the NICU. Anxiety was building as they made their way down the long corridor. Koyoa swiped her badge in front of the lock. The door clicked open. “Ok Nicki, I’m gonna let you walk from here. What I need you to do is wash your hands real good, put on one of these blue gowns. After that, Drake can you where he is, just around that corner.” She took off through a side door just before the corner. Nicki slowly got up & walked over to the sink. She washed her hands slowly. She was starting to have second thought s about seeing him. She didn’t know if she could handle it. She grabbed a gown & walked over to Drake, who was already suited up. He turned around & looked at her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Nicki hung her head. She started to say what was really on her mind but shook it off, handing him the gown.

“Can you help me?” she turned away from him as he slipped the gown on around her & tied it in the back. She stood at the corner just before the turn. She could only see the first incubator. “Is that him?”

“No.”

“Which 1 is he?” he took her hand & pulled her around the corner. She looked to see nurses moving about around the 12 incubators in the large room. it was so scary. Drake pointed to the third incubator from the left. The soft overhead light shone down on it, giving it a strange glow. She covered her mouth with her hand when she noticed the light blue stock card with dinosaur stickers on it.

“BABY MARAJ”

She couldn’t believe it was real. That was her name. in that incubator, there was part of her. Her life. Her son. It was all so overwhelming. She backed away, hanging her head.

“I’m not ready.” She whispered. She looked up with tears in her eyes. Drake reached for her hand but she pulled it away. She started to shake her head as she threw her hands up in surrender before turning around & headed for the door. He ran over to her & pulled her to him.

“Nicki, Nicki, stop! That’s ya son in there! He needs you.”

“No, he doesn’t need me! He had me & I failed him! Now he’s out here in the world where I CAN’T PROTECT HIM!!!! It’s all my fault. How could I let this happen?”

“Nicki what are you talkin about? This isn’t your fault! You didn’t do this!”

“Yes I DID!!! I wasn’t careful! I could have been more careful. I could have prayed more. My mother was right. This was a mistake. This was wrong. I should have taken more precautions. Lord? Why has God forsaken me this way!? What did I do that was so horrible!? And if I did do it WHY DOES MALAKI HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE!?!?!?!?! HE’S JUST A BABY!!! He doesn’t deserve to suffer like this. I just wanna know why? Why God?! WHY?” she fell to his chest & sobbed. He knew what she meant. He wasn’t a Christian but he too questioned his faith. He didn’t understand why, if there was a higher power, would he allow such a thing to happen. He wanted to offer words of comfort about her faith, but with him being at a crossroads himself, he didn’t want to lie to her.

“Nicki.” He said calmly. “I don’t know what the higher power’s plans are for us. We may never know. But what I do know is that IN THERE is our son & he needs us. I can’t do this on my own. Now if you don’t do this for ANY other reason, do it for him. Do it because you love him & you know he doesn’t deserve this. Because no matter what the higher power has in store, Malaki deserves to have people surround him with love.”

“I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m strong enough.” she cried. He kissed her forehead.

“C’mon baby. At least look at him.” He pulled her back around the corner. She stared at the incubator. She took a step toward it. Slowly. Her hands were shaking. Her palms were sweating. She felt flushed. She held her breath as she stood before him. The first thing she noticed was the Mohawk of curly brown hair with little streaks of blond that were reminiscent of his grandmother. It looked so soft. His honey colored skin was the perfect complexion.

“What’s that on his face?” she asked, referring to the bandage over his eyes.

“His eyes are sensitive to the light. He’s been having a hard time keeping a stable temperature, so they keep the heating lamp on. They put that bandage on with some vitamin k ointment to help his eyes heal faster. They said hopefully they’ll be able to take it off soon.” She sighed as looked at the tiniest tube she had ever seen ran through his slightly parted rose bud lips. Monitors on his small chest. A gauzy bandage held a foam board to his arm, keeping it steady so the IV needle didn’t slip out. His hands, resting by his head, were curled into perfect little balls. The tubes from the ventilator looked so big in his small nostrils. Even his diaper dwarfed him. He didn’t look real. She just simply couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that her son was right here before her eyes. But it was slowly getting to her. Drake pulled her closer as he took a seat in the rocking chair next to the incubator. She looked closely & saw that his tiny hear was fluttering like a butterfly’s wings in his chest. It was almost too quick to catch. She watched the steady rise & fall of his chest. He was breathing. This wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a cruel joke. She places a shaky hand on top of the incubator as she observed him. She wondered if her was awake or sleeping. If he was dreaming. What he was dreaming about. If he was awake, did he know she was there? Could he feel her presence? Did he even know who she was? It made her think of the years she spent without her mother. How lonely she felt. How lonely he must have felt without her. Guilt began to wash over her. She sunk down onto Drakes lap. He put his arm around her waist. She laid her head to his as they marveled at their child.

“Do you think he’s hurting?” she asked softly.

“He looks pretty peaceful. They take good care of him so I don’t think hes in pain.” Nicki felt slightly better. He did look pretty calm.

“Do you think he knows we’re here?”

“I’m sure he does.”

“Have you held him yet?”

“Not yet. They say it’s too soon. His immune system is too compromised. If all is well we should be able to hold him soon.”

“I just wanna feel him. Make sure he’s real.”

“You can touch him if you want.” Her heart started racing. She was excited & scared at the same time.

“Will I hurt him?” Drake chuckled.

“No, you know you won’t.”

“Wh-what do I do?” drake smiled as he took Nicki’s arm & placed it through the side port of the incubator. She settled her hand on the soft blanket beneath him. She didn’t know if she could do it. She was afraid he would break under her touch. Drake moved close to her ear.

“It’s ok, Nicki. You can do it. He’s been waiting for you.” he encouraged. She stretched her fingers out slowly, but flinched back. She took a deep breath that felt like breathing for the first time as she placed her fingertips on his face. He was so soft. She couldn’t believe she was touching him. He was a living, breathing being. His skin was so warm & smooth. The fine hair that covered his body was like silk. She pulled her hand back quickly as he moved. Panic was rising in her a he hiccupped a breath. She was shocked to see how animated he was but afraid she did something wrong.

“Is he ok?”

“He’s fine. He’s moving because you’re warmer than he is. He likes it. It’s ok.” She looked to Drake for assurance. He nodded. She reached out, touching him again.

“Do you think he can hear me?”

“Of course he can.” Nicki scooted closer, her forehead resting on the plastic. She gazed down at him.

“Hi Malaki. It’s me, your mommy. I’m so happy to meet you. Can you hear me baby?” She sat there staring, hoping for some sort of response from him. She brushed over his tiny knuckles with her index finger. His hands were big for such a little body. She knew he got that from his father. His hand twitched. She could see his pink palm. She rubbed it gently. As she did, something miraculous happened. His little fingers wrapped around her finger. They could barely hold the tip. Nicki stopped breathing. She couldn’t believe he was touching her. She was overcome with emotion.  She couldn’t help but cry. She lifted her finger, pulling his hand with her. His grip was strong. “He won’t let go.” She giggled through her tears. Drake hugged her tight. They both knew then, as their little family sat there, connected, that this was all that mattered. Every regret was forgotten. Every fight, every argument, every up, every down, was worth this single moment & they would do it all again, without question. This was their heaven, their utopia. They had never felt more complete. Nicki felt silly for being afraid of this. She had never felt more love. She knew she would give her very life for him. For an hour they sat there, talking to him, marveling at him, in awe of him. Not once did his he loosen his grip.

“He is defiantly gonna be a fighter. He will not let go.” Drake smiled.

“I know.” Nicki agreed. “And neither will I.”