OFFICIALLY MISSING YOU

OK GUYS SRRY IT TOOK SO LONG! LET'S CHECK IN ON HOW NICKI'S DOING SHALL WE? ENJOY!



chapter 28



It had been 3 long, rainy, depressing days & Nicki hadn't come out of her room. She still hadn't stopped crying. She could barely keep the water she drank down & the little bit of food she did eat, she threw up. SB was trying as hard as he could to help her but seeing her like this really bothered him. He had never seen her this upset before. He tried to be helpful & stay busy by changing her phone numbers & emails, & cleaning, but none of it made either of them feel better. By the 4th day, he'd had enough. He went into her room, bringing saltine crackers & ginger ale. He sat on the bed next to her.
"Nicki, get up." he told her. She pulled the blanket down from her puffy face.
"Go away Safaree." she groaned pulling the blanket back up. He snatched it back down.
"No. I'm not let you keep feelin sorry for yourself in this bed. Get up." he said. "Eat something." She turned over, ready to punch him in the face until she saw the concern in his eyes. She took a deep breath as she sat up slowly. She gave the plate a sideways glance before picking up a cracker. he moment the cracker hit her tongue, her stomach turned. She leaned over & threw up in the wastebasket next to her bed. SB ran to the bathroom & grabbed her a washcloth. She wiped her face before she started crying again.
"I'm sorry. I just cant." she cried.
"Don't worry about it. I was just trying to help." he said sadly.
"I know. I just don't know whats wrong."
"I do." SB began. "You need to get up out this bed. C'mon, get up." he said taking her hand. She slowly got out the bed & walked to the bathroom. "Go take a bath or something. I'll clean this stuff up. Try to relax." He walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He cleaned up her room & fixed her some toast. He figured she would feel better after a bath & maybe she would be able to eat something. After 2 hours in the bathroom, she finally came out. She sat down on the couch wrapped in a pink fleece blanket.
"Do you feel ant better?" SB asked her? She nodded slowly. He came & sat next to her on the sofa with the plate of toast. "Try & eat some more."
"Faree, I really don't think I can." she said softly. She was so tired of throwing up she didn't want to eat another thing even though she was starving. SB was getting frustrated.
"Well Nicki what do I gotta do? Do I gotta call ya mother? Do you wanna go home?"
"No, don't call my mother." she pleaded.
"Then please eat! I'm tired of seeing you like this! You gotta get over this shit man!"
"You don't think I want to?!?!" she exclaimed." It's been almost a week & I can't eat or sleep! All I can do is puke & cry." The tears started again. She felt so defeated. She pulled her knees to her chest & wrapped her arms around them.
"Nicki, I'm sorry." he began. "I just don't like seein you like this. I don't wanna see you cry. I know you're the 1 with the broken heart but you don't think it hurts me to see you like this?!?!? You're stronger than me!! I don't wanna sit & just watch you waste away. You really look like you lost 30 lbs. I don't mean to yell at you but I don't know what else to do. For as long as I've known you & of all this things you've been through, this is the worst Ive ever seen you. I just wanna make sure you're alright." Nicki glanced at the plate. She really didn't wanna eat it but is that would make him happy & get him out her face she would try. She reached for a slice & prayed she didn't throw up on her white sofa. She took a bite. It was as if she'd never ate before. At that moment, toast was the greatest thing she'd ever tasted. She at 1 then another then another & another. She handed him the empty plate back.
"More please?" she said wiping her mouth.
"You sure? I don't want you to throw up again."
"Boy yes! I need more!" she said laughing. He was glad to see her smile. He went to the kitchen & happily made her more toast. After she ate she started to to feel a little queasy so she drank some ginger ale to settle her stomach. After an hour or so she started getting tired. She decided it was time for her to go to sleep. SB went in every hour or so to check on her. He could hear her crying in her sleep. She kept calling for him. After awhile it was too much. He went in the room & gently shook her. She opened her teary eyes & looked at him. She sat up & hugged him. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face. He was always on her mind, haunting her. The sad part was, she welcomed it. She wanted him. No matter how bad it hurt she couldn't bring herself to let him go. He was the remedy & the disease. Deep, painful sobs tore from her chest. SB held her rubbing her back slowly.
"It's ok Nicki. Don't cry."
"It's NOT ok!!!"
"It will be. I know you're hurting right now but it will go away."
"NO, it wont. How could a pain like this ever go away?!" she cried. Her chest felt heavy. She felt like she couldn't breath. She was shaking. She felt like she was going to have a complete breakdown. "I just don't know what I did to deserve this. What could I have done that was so wrong?" SB pulled back the covers & climbed into bed with her. He laid on his side & pulled her close to him. He put his arms around her & rocked her gently.
"Nicki, you did NOTHING wrong. You understand? Don't blame yaself for what that stupid nigga did. This is not your fault."
"But it has to be! You know these past few days I been layin in this bed & I been thinkin. All my life I been the 1 gettin let down. Why am I the 1 always gettin left? Am I the that drives people away? It just doesn't make sense any other way. It always felt like a dream with him. He was everything I ever wanted. Like he was my knight in shining armor. He was always so sweet to me. I really gave everything I had to him.Maybe it just wasn't enough. Maybe I just wasn't good enough for him. I don't know if I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or sexy enough, I don't know! I guess it was just too good to be true."
"Do you hear yaself? You are talkin crazy right now!!! You are the smartest, funniest, sexiest, most beautiful person I have ever known in my entire life. If anything, YOU are too good for him. You love with all your heart & if that ain't good enough for him he can eat a dick! He ain't no knight in shining armor hes a retard in tin foil if he cant see that you are perfect. Any man would be blessed to have a chance with you."
"Then why did he hurt me?" she said softly. She clenched he hands in his shirt burying her face in his chest. "How long before you leave me too Safaree?" He lifted her head, forcing her to look at him.
"Onika, I will never leave you. That's word to everything I love. When all the rest of them niggas leave, I'll still be here. No matter what." He wiped her tears & kissed her forehead. He hated seeing that pain in her eyes. She just needed someone. Why couldn't he be that someone? He wanted to make her understand how much he cared for her. He kissed her temple, her cheek, her nose, her lips. She wanted to pull away but for some reason she didn't. She closed her eyes & could almost feel Aubrey there. His lips on hers, his hands roaming her body. In her heart she wanted this to right, She wanted this to be him, but she knew it wasn't. She opened her eyes & pulled away. This is not what she wanted. This is not who she wanted. It wasn't the same & it never would be. Safaree took a deep sigh. He knew that was his only chance to show her how he felt, how he always felt, & it wasn't enough.
"I'm sorry.........he's all I'll ever want." was all she could get out before she began crying again. Even though he already knew that, it still hurt to hear her actually say it.
"I know." he said sadly. "But I will still be here. NO. MATTER. WHAT." He got up & left, closing the door behind him. This was the loneliest Nicki had ever felt. Nothing was going to make her feel complete except for him. She closed her eyes & prayed sleep came quickly.





dnt b mad at me guys. I just had 2 use sb 2 show you how desperate nicki is & how much she rlly misses drake. & dnt act all surprised it was sb! who else would i trust with nicki? we'll check in on drizzy next......