SAVE ME

thank you to trigga & nicki for supplying me with the best writing music ever!!! addicted to songz, made to be together, save me. all such wonderful music. seriously, listen to this music as you read this it makes the reading experience sooooo much more intense! especially the song this chapter is named after! anyway this is reaaaaallllly long so you better like it!!! ENJOY!!!!!



chapter 32



The entire plane ride, Nicki couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about hat she wanted to say to Drake. She really hoped that after they talked they could at least be friends again. Maybe one day they could be back to what they used to be but before they could even think about being a couple, they had to establish some trust. She was still upset that he had kept this from her in the first place. If he would have told her the truth, this whole situation could have been avoided. She hoped that he would understand & respect her decision.
 It was early in the afternoon & Drake had just finished doing the dishes for his mother. He had been staying with her these past few months so she cloud keep him company. He was trying to purge himself of everything Nicki. He changed all his contact info & sold his house in LA. He couldn't stand to be in that house without her. Not to mention he didn't feel safe knowing Maliah got get in at any time. After that, he didn't want to be alone. He didn't really want to be around his friends & he couldn't even think about being in another relationship. He knew no one could compare to her. He was just about to pop some popcorn for their afternoon movie when there was a knock at the door. He was shocked when he opened the door & saw Nicki on the other side wearing sweats a t-shirt, her arms wrapped around herself. He couldn't speak. He felt like he was dreaming. He still couldn't believe that after all this time he still thought she was perfect. he was glad she was starting to gain back some of the weight she'd lost & the summer sun had been good to her. Her skin was luminous & even though her hair was haphazardly thrown into a ponytail, she was beautiful. A light wind whipped by & he noticed her shiver.
 'Where is your coat?" he managed to say.
 "I left it in LA. I didn't think it would be this cold!" she said back.
 "Come inside before you get sick." he said stepping aside to let her in. His heart was racing. He missed being this close to her.
 "I'm glad i caught you here." she told him. "I was scared I wouldn't be able to find you after I saw you sold the house."
 "I'm glad you found he as well. What are you doing here?" he said hugging her. She breathed in heavily, taking in his scent. She embraced him gently before moving away. 
 "Before I explain all of that, can I use your bathroom?" she asked. Before he could get out a 'yes' she raced to the restroom. She couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach. her knees still got weak when he touched her. She couldn't believe what he was making her feel & they had only hugged. He looked so good in his fleece pajama pants & thermal. She wanted to forget everything she came to say & run into his arms, but she knew that wouldn't accomplish anything. She took a moment to compose herself before walking out of the bathroom & running into his mother.
 "Nicki, hello, you look lovely." Sandi said smiling.
 "Thank you." she said back. Sandi was giving the same strange look she gave her the last time she saw her in LA.  "What?" she asked pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
 "Nothing." Sandi said shaking her head. She walked past Nicki to the stairs. "It's nice to see you're doing well, Nicki." Nicki laughed & shook her head as she walked back to where Drake was. He stood in the doorway smiling. She couldn't help but smile back. He extended his hand to her.
 "Let's go somewhere private & talk. I know my nosey mother is listening at the top of the stairs." Nicki laughed as she heard Sandi's small feet moving away from the staircase. He led her to the dining room table & pulled out her chair. He let his hand gently brush against her. "Are you cold?" he asked, feeling the goosebumps on her soft skin. She shook her head, slightly embarrassed.
 "A little bit but I'm fine thank you." she said softly. He couldn't keep his eyes off her. 
 "So what brings you here?" he asked. Nicki looked down, playing with a loose thread on the place mat.
 "I came to apologize." Drake's eyes got wide.
 "For what?"
 "For not believing you." Drake was shocked. He couldn't believe it. The recurring dream he had been having was finally coming true.
 "You don't have to apologize. I know this whole situation was kinda unbelievable. But what brought on the change of heart?"
 "Her sister." Nicki said. Drake raised his eyebrows at her.
 "Marissa?"
 "You know her?"
 "Yeah, nice girl. Didn't think she would ever go against her sister though. Maliah gives her & her kids everything."
 "Well, she sent Shanell an email with a link to a video from that night." Drake was intrigued. He ran down to his room & brought back with him his Macbook Pro.
 "Please show me this. I have to see it."  he said. Nicki pulled the computer toward her, logged into her email account & showed him the video. "I cant believe she went through all of this. Why didn't i know she was this crazy before?
 "Guess you never really know a person." Nicki said as she logged out of her account. She closed his Mac & caught him staring at her. She could see the joy & relief in his eyes.
 "Finally, we can start putting this behind us. You don't know how long Ive been waiting to just hold you in my arms & kiss you."
 "I don't think there's gonna be any kissing just yet." Nicki said."
 "What?" Drake laughed. "Why not?"
 "I don't know, I mean, I don't min us being friends but I just cant see us being together right now."
 "But I thought everything was good?" he asked.
 "Well I just feel like we have some more work to do before we can get to where we used to be." Drake's face fell.
 "So, you still don't trust me?"
 "Drake I'm not sayin that. I'm just sayin you gotta trust me too. You cant just keep shit from me. We both need t work on trust & while I'm on the road I really don't think we can do that." Drake shook his head.
 "I just don't understand, like, is it somebody else?"
 "No! There's nobody else, I just think-"
 "You know what I think? I think I'm tired of doin this shit on your terms! Why does this have  to be a test? Why do I have to keep proving myself to you??! I haven't done anything wrong! Stop making me pay for other niggas mistakes! I'm not the boy who left you in the third grade, I'm no the nigga that broke your heart in high school, I'm not your dad! I'm just me & I love you so don't treat me like there was ever a  time where I treated you as if I didn't! I ain't tryin to keep playin this game with you! Either you want me or you don't!"
 "You think I'm playin, I'm not!  This is serious to me! I'm no the only one who has to work on trust! Stop tryin to save me & keep it 100! If you would have told me the truth from the beginning, we wouldn't be in this situation now!"
 "Nicki that's bullshit! We both know how you are! Even if I did tell you,, all that trust shit you talkin bout woulda went out the window a soon as you saw those pictures! That's why you wanted that proof. You too fuckin insecure to believe anything I say! You so fuckin worried about gettin hurt-"
 "Damn right I'm worried about getting hurt! Someone has to be! I gave you everything I had to give & you threw it away! You don't understand that we live the same life?! I know how crazy a fan can get,but we can t get through this shit if you lie!!! You don't know if I would have believed you or not because you never gave me a chance!!!!! Now I'M the one hurting. I'M THE ONE crying & puking my guts out. I'M THE ONE in bed for days, cant eat, cant sleep, all by myself!!!!!!!!!"
 "You think you're the only one that felt like that?!?!?!?!?! I sold my HOUSE because I couldn't stand to be in it without you. Everything in it, I threw away or gave away cuz it all reminded me of you! I came all the way here just to get away from you!!!! I try as hard as I can EVERYDAY to forget you but its impossible because you're the only thing I wanna remember. Everything I gave to you is sitting in that garage. I cant get rid of it because I keep hoping that 1 day you'll come & take it back. I cry. I'm a man & I cry. I KNOW hurt."
 "Then you should know that we have a lot to work on before we can be the way we used to be."
 "How do you expect me to be friends with you after that? I meant it when I said I couldn't be less than what we were. My feelings are not gonna change. I love you & I always will. I cant give you half of me."
 "Well then, I guess we have nothing else to talk about." she said standing up. She crossed her arms & looked at him. He looked away from her.
 "I guess we don't." he said coldly. Nicki's heart sank. This wasn't the way she envisioned this conversation going. She could feel the tears coming. She tried as hard as she could to keep from crying.
 "I don't have anything else to say once I walk out that door. This is your last chance to come to your senses." Drake looked at her.
 "If coming to my senses means giving in to you, I wont. Goodbye Nicki." She couldn't even speak. She turned around & & ran out the door to her rental. She started it up & drove. Away from  his neighborhood, away from his city, away from him. She cried the entire 9 hours it took her to drive to her mother's house in Long Island. When she go there she cut the engine & looked at the time on her Blackberry. It was 2:18 a.m. She knew her mother wouldn't be up but she didn't want to go anywhere else. She wiped her face as best she could before knocking on the door. When Carol opened the door she was shocked to see a disheveled Nicki on the side.
 "Nicki, what's the matter? Are you okay?" she asked. Her voice filed with panic. She pulled he inside & sat on the sofa. Nicki's chest was tight. Her throat hurt. She couldn't get the words out. All she could do is shake her head as the tears flowed down her cheeks. "Nicki, are you hurt? Please tell me what happened."
 "It's over." she managed to choke out. "He doesn't want me anymore." The pain in her voice broke her mother's heart. She pulled her close & rocked her gently.
 "Oh. my Nicki. I'm so sorry baby. I know you're hurting now, but it will get better."
 "How can it get better without him?!?! He said he loved me & he just let me walk away!"
 "Oh, hes just upset right now baby. Him lettin you go is not givin' up, it's just not fighting. You're my daughter so I know sometimes you can be so stubborn. You everything your way, but you have to stop fighting! Everything in life is not a struggle. I don't know many things in this life but I know that boy loves you. Stop fighting & let him in."
 "I'm just so tired of being hurt." Nicki sniffled.
 "Love hurts. But love can also heal." Carol said softly. " Just give him some time. He'll come around. For now, lets get you to bed." She walked her daughter to the guestroom & tucked her in. " Try & sleep. Well talk more in the morning." She kissed Nicki's head gently before leaving the room. Nicki hugged her pillow & cried until sleep took over.


 Drake was in deep thought all night. He couldn't sleep. He wondered if he'd really made the right decision. He wished he could at least call her & make sure she was alright, wherever she was. By 3 the next day, he couldn't take it anymore. He was pacing back & forth in his room. He was almost positive he had lost her forever. He was on the verge of tears when his mother came in.
 "Aubrey you're going to worry yourself sick. Just go to her." Sandi said to him.
 "I cant." he said.
 "Yes you can! Try talking to her again."
 "No. Its only gonna lead to the same thing & I'm tired of fighting." he said flopping on his bed. Sandi came & sat down next to him.
 "I know its difficult dealing with her right now, but you have to understand that shes a woman. Shes a lot more emotional than you & she hasn't had all the time you've had to actually sit & think about this. Shes been on the road so shes been putting this off."
 "I know but still. This whole relationship has been about what she wants & I'm OK with that. But when do I get to have a say? When can I be right? Put my foot down? I just feel like shes always trying to test me. Like shes waiting for me to fail."
 "I don't think she want you to fail honey. I think she wants you to succeed. Shes had a rough life. I'm sure shes tired of being hurt."
 "That's what she doesn't understand. I don't wanna hurt her. I love her."
 "Does she know that?" Sandi asked.
 "How could she not know? I tell her all the time." said Drake.
 "Sometimes, words aren't enough. If you want her to know you love her, show her."
 "How can I show her?" Sandi placed her hand under his chin, making him look at her.
 "Weather she says it or not, she needs you right now. You really want to show her you love her? Go to her. Save her from herself." she said to him before kissing his cheek. "There will be plenty more fights but if you two keep focusing on winning, you both lose" He knew his mother was right. He hugged her before grabbing his key & walking out the door.


 Nicki was walking down the hall to her hotel suite. Despite her bad mood the show was a success. Her fans always put her in a good mood. There was so much emotion in her performance. She wanted to give her all since this was her last show. But the minuet she stepped off that stage, the tears started up again. She couldn't get her mind off what happened with her & Drake. She was so hurt. When she reached the room she took off her clothes & got in the shower. When she got out, all she put on was a long t-shirt. She slung her long wet hair into bun before calling her mother & telling her she loved her & that she was going to bed. She was just about to crawl under the covers when there was a knock on the door. She opened it to see Drake standing there. He walked past her into her room.
 "What do you want?" she said to him.
 "You. I only want you." he told her.
 "You had me & you let me walk away.
 "And that was a mistake."
 "Get out."
 "No." he said walking toward her.
 "Get out!" she yelled.
 "No." he said again. He tried to embrace her. She pushed him. " Nicki, I love you."
 "No you don't." she told him.
 "Yes I do. Don't push me away." He tried again t embrace her. Again she pushed him. She was starting to get frustrated. The tears came harder.
 "I cant do this. You're just gonna lie to me again. No. Just go."
 "I'm not leaving I'll never lie again. I promise."
 "How can I believe you Aubrey? I cant. No."
 "Nicki please, you have to believe me. I need you. Don't leave me. Please?" He fell to his knees in front of her, hugging her waist. She tried to push him but he wouldn't let go.
 "Aubrey, I cant." she cried.
 "Don't leave me." he said again.
 "We need more time."
 " No we don't. Don't run away." He lifted he shirt & kissed her stomach, her hips, her thighs. She backed into the door of the room. She could feel his hot tears on her skin as he kissed her. Her knees began to buckle as he moved closer to her center.
 "Aubrey don't do this." she said crying. "Please." he lifted one leg over his shoulder. " I just need more time." He kissed her pelvis slowly working his way 2 her womanhood. Just before he reached her center she pushed him away. She tried to walk away. He stood up & grabbed he arm, pulling her back. She struggled against him. "Let me GO!" she screamed.
 "I'll never let you go."
 "Leave me alone!" she cried. She got 1 arm loose & raised it to slap him. He caught it & pushed her back, pinning her to the wall.
 "Stop FIGHTING me!" he said to her. he lets her arms go to caress her soft curves. She pounded her fists against his chest, trying to move him. He wouldn't budge. He grabbed the back of her thighs & lifted her. He kissed her neck as he whispered to her. "You don't have to fight. Let me save you." He kissed her lips. she fought first. She missed his hands. His lips. She was tired of fighting & so was he. She could feel  herself giving up, giving in.
 'Aubrey, please." she whimpered. She ran her hands down the back of her neck as he sucked her neck. She knew she couldn't resist him. She didn't want to. She ran her fingers over her face. Her teary eyes met his teary eyes as she whispered to him with conviction. "SAVE ME." He crashed his lips against hers. she dug her nails into the back of his neck. He pulled down his sweats & kicked them off along with his shoes. She reached for the hem of his shirt & pulled it off. He did the same to her. She moaned as he slid inside her. She wrapped her legs around him, forcing him deeper inside her. He grabbed her arms, dragging them along the wall, pinning them above her head as he thrust into her. She closed her eyes as she stroked. He let her arms go & gripped her thighs. She kissed him as he pounded into her. With every stroke he went deeper, but it didn't feel deep enough, hard enough, just enough. He carried her to the bed & sat. She slowly grinded on him, moving up & down. Slow at first, then harder, faster. He knew this was what she wanted & he loved it, but this wasn't what she needed. He steadied her hips & pulled her off him. They stood up & he leaned her over the bed. He stood behind her & entered her. She worked her hips in rhythm with him until he stopped her. He wanted to show her she didn't have to be in control all the time. That she could trust him. He stroked slow & deep, hitting her g-spot. She bit her lip as he smacked her ass. She was surprised at how dominating he was being. She liked him in control. She looked back at him as he worked.
 "You like that?" he asked. The question caught her off guard. He never really talked dirty to her before. It really turned her on. She smiled as she nodded her head. He smacked her ass again, harder this time. "I cant hear you."
 "Yes" she moaned. His voice was like warm caramel candy the way each word oozed from his lips. The pain mixed with the pleasure was so intense.
 "Who's pussy is this?" Her eyes got wide. She loved that he was so vulgar. She was ready to cum right then.
 "It's yours." she told him.
 "Louder!" he said slapping her ass yet again.
 "Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh MY Goooodddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!" she breathed. He was going to send her over the edge. He grabbed her hair & pulled her upward. He circled her clit with his left hand as he whispered to her.
 "WHO'S. PUSSY. IS. THIS?" She couldn't hold back. She reached her climax.
 "YOOUURRSS! ITS ALL YOURSS, DRIZZY!" she screamed. He held her hips, still stroking as she came down from her orgasm. He kissed her neck, shoulder blades, down the center of her back. She turned to face him kissing his lips. He layed her down gently on the bed. He kissed her softly between her breasts & down her stomach. He slowly spread her legs, kissing her. First her thighs, then closer & closer until he reached her pussy. His kisses gave her chills. He licked & sucked her clit softy before he sat up. He leaned over her & kissed her as he entered her again. All he wanted to do was feel her, touch her, please her, reach her in a way he never had before. He was so deep inside her it was almost painful but she didn't want him to stop. She could feel another orgasm coming. But something was off. His head was to her chest& she could feel something warm & wet on her skin. "Aubrey." she said to him.
 " I'm so sorry Nicki. I'll never lie to you again." he said. His voice was broken. The pain in his voice made her cry. "Please don't leave me again. With you is the only place I wanna be."
 "Don't let me leave. With you is the only place I need to be." she told him. The feeling of this moment was all the more intense with this sudden rush of emotion. They thought about the fact that they bight not have had the chance to this again because they weren't honest with each other. He had to make this count. He put everything he had into each thrust, gripping her thighs, forcing herself as deep as he could inside her. Only his name passed her lips as there were no other words to convey the emotion she was feeling. He could feel her walls tightening, her legs shaking, her voice gradually getting louder & louder.
 "Drake."
 "Nicki."
 "Draaaaakkkkkeeee!"
 "Nicki!"
 "DRIIIIZZZZZYYYYYYYY!"
 "FUCK! NICKI!" Her eyes rolled back, her back arched, her nails dug into her flesh. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. It was suck an other worldly experience. Neither one of them had ever felt anything like it. They kissed each other softly until they regulated their breathing. They lay together, completely spent. Sleep would come soon for them. Drake spent his last few moments awake tryin to memorize the curves of her full lips. "Nicki." he said softy.
 "Yes baby?" she said sleepily.
 "Do you know I love you?" he said.
 "Of course I do." she giggled.
 "How?" he asked. She rolled over on her side to face him.
 "All my life, Ive been fighting for everything & Ive only gotten 2 results, I win or I lose. With you, I don't wanna fight anymore. You showed me I can win with you, not against you & Ive never had that before. Thank you for not giving up.............for saving me."
 "You don't have to thank me. I'd do anything for you." he said before kissing her nose.
 "Then let me sleep! Talk more in the morning." she yawned. She snuggled into his chest as he wrapped his arm around her. They both closed their eyes & succumb to the best sleep they ever had.