AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Aren't you glad the kissed & made up? Now know that this chapter is simply a look into exactly how they feel about each other & how far their relationship has come. As they reflect back on their lives I felt there was no better title for this chapter than this. NOTE: This is simply a dramatization of actual events. I don't know exactly how these situations went I only know they occurred. With that in mind, here's chapter 9. Enjoy!



chapter 9



All was well over the next few weeks. Nicki & Drake had become even closer after what happened in Miami. They hit their last show in Atlanta before Nicki went off to New York to promote her album. He was sad she would be leaving so he wanted to spend some quality time with her. He set up a romantic dinner in his room for the 2 of them. They spent most of the night watching t.v. & talking. She was excited for her album to drop, as well as her up coming birthday. It was 2 short weeks away & Drake really wanted to do something special for her. Nicki insisted that he not. She was still feeling guilty about missing his birthday to finish her album. Needless to say, Drake wasn't listening.
 "Really, I'm okay. Pink Friday's comin' out & the worst will be over. I'm gonna party out here & have a good time. You don't need to do anything special." Nicki said sweetly.
 "I wanna do something. I never get to do anything for you. There's gotta be something you want. A car or something."
 "You're not buyin' me a freakin' car!!!" she exclaimed.
 "Why not?" he asked.
 "Because!!! I'm gonna buy my own car. I've had my eye on something particular for a while & when I get back to LA it will be mine."
 "It'll still be yours if I buy it for you."
 "I know, but still." she said softly. She had never had a man buy her something that extravagant before. She was so used to doing everything on her own that it wouldn't feel right if she accepted such an expensive gift. "It's a very sweet gesture, baby, but I don't need anything. I got you." She pecked his lips. "If you wanna do something for me, buy the album." she giggled.
 "I planned on it." he said pulling her closer. He already had 20 copies pre-ordered from Best Buy. He would have bought more but he felt like she would have thought that to be a bit much. It was quiet for a while. They laid in the bed, his arm securely wrapped around her waist. There was something that had been on his mind for a while now. It really bothered him that Nicki didn't feel like he cared about her as much as he said he did. After the incident with Maliah, he had really been thinking about a way to show her that he truly loved her. He also knew that It was still early in their relationship but it didn't matter to him. He decided he just needed to get it off his chest.
 "Nicki, you know I care about you, right?" he said, running his fingertips down her body.
 "Yes." she answered.
 "You care about me too, right?"
 "Yes I do. What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. She was getting a little worried.
 "I been thinkin' We were friends for a while, then we started dating. Now, I really have fallen in love with you. I always have loved you & I'm always gonna. I like bein' around you. You understand this crazy life we live. You're sweet, funny, beautiful. My mother loves you."
 "Please don't say what I think you're gonna say." she interjected.
 "Nicki, I'm just sayin. You always tellin' me you wanna make sure I'm committed. What's more committed than me puttin' that ring on ya finger?"
 "Drake, no."
 "Why not?"
 "It's too soon!"
 "Time isn't gonna change the way I feel about you. I'm always gonna love you. I'm tryin' to show you that. Come here." He stood up, pulling her with him & led her to the full body bathroom mirror. He held her hips as she stood in front of him. "Just think about it. A beach front wedding. You wearing something beautiful, form fitting, Ivory colored. No shoes. I'd wait at the end of that isle for you in my linen suit. We say our vows as the sun goes down. I put that platinum band on ya finger. By twilight, I kiss you for the first time as my wife. Our family & closest friends congratulate us. Wayne singin' at the reception."
 "Please, no!" Nicki giggled.
 "Okay, maybe not." he laughed back. He was serious again. "But, afterwards, we could honeymoon in St. Tropez. Lay out on a yacht somewhere. Make love all day & night. Come back in like a year, you pregnant with my seed. I'd love to watch your belly get bigger knowin' in a couple months you'd be givin' birth to a kid that's as beautiful as you." He gently moved his hands across her smooth stomach as he kissed her cheek. "Can't you just see it Nicki? We could be good together." She was happy & sad at the same time. She was surprised that he had put so much thought into it. She thought about it all the time, fantasizing about what it would be like to be Mrs. Aubrey Graham. The fact that he was thinking about marriage at all made her heart swell. She was sad because she didn't wanna hurt his feelings but she really just felt like it was too soon.
 "Drake." she said softly. "That's sounds very sweet but I just don't think it's the right time. We have the rest of our lives to worry about getting married. I'm not saying no, just not now. I really just think it's too soon. You say you love me now but people change. I don't want you to change ya mind when it's too late. This is just too soon to be talkin' bout weddings & kids. Especially kids!!!"
 "Why? I love kids." Nicki sighed heavily. It was painful to dwell on her past but she felt it was necessary to explain to him.
 "When I was younger, I thought I was in love & i gave my everything to a nigga. Then he changed his mind. Then I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, I was a baby myself. I knew I couldn't bring a baby home to my mother, she would kill me. But I knew I couldn't take care of a baby by myself I was way too young. I knew havin' a baby young, without a father, without the financial support I needed to take care of him wasn't the right thing. Plus I was still young I had my whole life ahead of me. I know that prolly sounds selfish but it's the truth.  I can't say havin' an abortion was the wrong decision, but damn, if I don't think about that shit every fuckin' day. That was one of the worst experiences of my life & I'll never do it again. Ever." Nicki was crying. She couldn't stop the tears that overflowed her eyes. Drake turned around & held her close.
 "I'm sorry." he whispered."But I would never, NEVER do that to you." Drake felt really hurt for her & also for himself. It brought up bad memories of his own. "When I was with this girl a while back, I thought she was my world. When she told me she was pregnant, I tried to do the right thing. I wanted to marry her. I bought her a ring & everything. Then she told me she didn't wanna keep it. I respected her decision so I paid for her to go to the clinic. Then she left me. I was so fucked up over that shit. What hurt me more was that a while after that we talked & she said the only reason she did it is cuz she wanted to be with someone else & that now she regretted it. I don't think I ever hated someone, but I came real close. It just fucked me up cuz like, you didn't even give me a choice. You just took away a part of me, & for a stupid fuckin' reason. I would have been there, I would have taken care of them." Nicki looked up & saw the hurt on his face. She felt bad for him. She never had a guy show such emotion over something like this. She hugged him tighter. "I think about that shit all the time & maybe I'm tryin to overcompensate for that by, you know, movin so fast with you, but believe me when I say I would never leave you, or my child. That's on my life. Imma always be here for you. So I'm sorry Nicki, if this is too much for you right now. I know this is just the beginning but you are on of the best things that ever happened to me. I just don't wanna lose you."
 "Me either, but that doesn't mean we gotta get married right now." said Nicki.
 "That's what engagements are for. I'm not sayin we go out right now on some Vegas shit. I'm just tryin' to 2 make you you that promise that whenever you ready, I'm ready." he said lifting her chin, looking in her eyes.
 "I don't know Drake. I mean, I know what I feel for you, but I'm still too scared to say the words. It's almost like, you know, I'm gonna jinx it or something. I really don't wanna hurt your feelings & I'm really not saying no, just not now. Let's just give it some more time. Please don't be sad, or mad at me. I just need more."
 "Why would I be mad at you? I understand. I'm just glad you didn't flat reject me. It's all good baby, as long as I'm still your man. I'll wait as long as it takes." She loved how he tried to put on a brave face so she wouldn't feel bad. She could see in his eyes he was hurt. All he could do was look at the ground.
 "Thank you for being so understanding." she said kissing him. I'm gonna go lay back down. You comin'?" He looked up at her & smiled.
 "Yeah, I just gotta go to the bathroom real fast." he said.
 "Okay." she said as she closed the door. Drake went to sit on the counter. He reached in his pocket & pulled out a platinum & diamond engagement ring. He admired it as he sighed heavily. He really thought he'd be putting it on Nicki's finger tonight. He was glad he'd thought better than to pull it out like he planned to. He knew it would have just made it worse for her. He ran his hands over his face & stuffed the ring back in his pocket. He flushed the toilet & washed his hands to make his bathroom story believable before going to join her back on the bed. He pulled her into his lap & held her until she fell asleep.